When It Stops Being Fun

Misery.
That’s the feeling.

Not all the time.
But enough to notice.

It comes up when I’m told to do things I don’t want to do.
Not out of resistance—
but out of misalignment.

They don’t align with who I am,
who I’m becoming,
or anything I care to be.

“Be a team player.”

I’ve been thinking about that.

At the cost of what?

Because I make winning plays.
That’s how I move through life.

And the play being called right now…
doesn’t lead to a win.

I know because I’ve seen it before.
We’ve done this before.

We push through.
We execute.
We get the result.

Dollars… and misery.

And I’m realizing—
that payout isn’t worth the cost.

My mind is analytical by nature.
I observe patterns.
I look at outcomes.

And when I analyze this,
it just doesn’t make sense
to keep choosing something
that consistently leads here.

So when I hear,
“This is what we’re doing anyway—
to prove a point,”
I pause.

Because I can feel the cost before it even arrives.

More misery.
Less joy.

More money for you.
The same dollars for me.

I’m not writing this to complain.

I’m writing this because I’m noticing.

This is not my game.

I’ve played it.
And I’ve done well.

But somewhere along the way,
it stopped being fun.

And the truth—
I don’t have to keep playing
a game that no longer feels like mine.

Exhale.

Misery loves company—
but so does clarity.

Good company reminds me
that I am a changemaker.

Good company reminds me
that I am not the problem.

Good company reminds me
that change doesn’t happen all at once—
but it does happen.

That one day,
I’ll call the shots.
I’ll be in control.

These problems aren’t mine alone.
They existed long before me
and may exist long after me.

But with the courage to change what I can,
the peace to accept what I cannot,
and the wisdom to know the difference—
I can do all things.

“Wait and see.”

I’m not sure what I’m waiting for,
or how long I’ll wait…

but something tells me—
it’s already in motion.